THE FURNACE SERIES: EPISODE 3

Depression is eating deep into society, everyone experiences it in a way and how you deal with it makes you or mar you. When battling with depression, it sometimes feel like no one understands your situation. A lot of people  are silently battling the same demons you are, maybe someone close to you, you just might never know. It is not only a feeling of being sad, gloomy or blue for a few days, it may be a long period of feeling helpless, hopeless, tired, worthless and having no interest in anything that makes you happy. Some people are open about their struggles with depression, many keep this hidden because they wouldn't want to be looked down on. I had a little chat with Ethan, a businessman who was depressed for about 8 years. Here's what he had to say.

You were depressed some years ago

Well, yes about 8 years ago, the worst.

What led to the depression?

When I was a boy, I was a spoiled rich kid. I had everything I wanted. We were rich, I was raised in Romania. When I was about 11 years old, my dad lost everything due to a bad investment including our house though we had another but it wasn't the house of our dreams. I was a good student at school and when money became a problem, I started to change. At 14, I had some friends and we stole from people, sold drugs just to make money, I was really young and made a lot of money because that was the dream, to make money.

I was hoping that by 20 I'd be a millionaire but then I started gambling at casinos because in Romania they don't care how old you are so long as you have the money to play. Everywhere I saw slot machines or roulette I played, I couldn't sleep. If I had money in my pocket, until I gambled all I would not sleep, I go home only when I've gambled all the money. When I was 18, my dad moved to Germany and my sister Italy, I was left in Romania with my girlfriend then things took turns for the worst. 

I searched for happiness in all kinds of things like drugs. I did a lot of drugs because the material things I had couldn't make me happy. It went on till I was 22 and then out of the blue I woke up one morning and I asked myself why, what on earth am I doing? I started seeing things differently, so I decided to let out the stress because I was stressed out. I was trying to quit drugs and gambling but it was not an easy fight.

 About a week after that, I was out with a friend and suddenly I felt dizzy, like I would pass out. I went to the doctors, I had stopped gambling at this point and all the money I made was going to the doctors. I was trying to find out what was wrong with me. All the doctors said it was anxiety, panic attacks and depression but I refused to believe because I told myself I'm not a weak person, I thought only weak people get depressed. Since then my life changed, I quit drugs, gambling and relationship because it was toxic 

I'm guessing a lot of people out there think same, that depression is for the weak

Yes, but that is not true

I agree. Were your parents aware that you were depressed and if they were, did they help? 

No they weren't aware, I never told them I was too proud to

So you kept it all to yourself

Yes

Why?

Well, I wasn't raised to complain so I thought I would get through it myself 

You know, people that haven't experienced depression would think it's all about feeling a bit sad but it is more than that, I would prefer to suffer from something physical that doctors can cure but with depression, you are all by yourself, it depends solely on you, how you manage it and it's difficult that is why people commit suicide. To be honest, I was suicidal at some point because not finding happiness in anything is a bad thing, it's the worst thing that can happen to you.

I realized that material things aren't important. When my friends complained about not being able to buy a pair of shoes or jeans and I'd be like, is this your worst problem, I can't find happiness in anything and you complain about this? You are blessed if you have a roof over your head, something to eat, your both parents alive and family close to you.

I'm glad you are clean now. What are the things that make you happy?

I find happiness in small things. I live in Italy now. I often take long walks with my dogs in the woods and mountains, watching sunsets, all these things make me calm. It's real happiness and it doesn't cost anything. 

In Romania I would go to the river, far from everything. Happiness is a state of mind and these things make me happy. 

You are absolutely right, happiness is a state of mind. So what's your final advice?

Stop searching for happiness in material things, in this era of social media, you would get carried away seeing people flaunt flashy cars and lifestyle, do not pressure yourself with those things, if it would be nothing would stop it but be happy with the things that money cannot buy.

Thank you so much for sharing your story

I'm glad I could.

"Your happiness depends upon you and your thoughts. No-one else can think your thoughts for you. You choose every one of them"  The secret